How to Start Practicing Meditation
Recently, when I brought my girlfriend to meet my family, my mother insisted on showing her a picture of me when I was seven years old. In the photo, I’m seated cross-legged on our 1980s shag carpet floor, eyes closed, hands resting on my knees. Apparently, I was meditating. I also had a very handsome bowl haircut.
I’m not sure why my mother chose this of all pictures to show my girlfriend, especially as she’d promised earlier not to bring out the photo albums. But I’m guessing it was because she felt it said something about who I am.
I first learned to meditate in karate class. This was the 90s, and, like every other kid who was pumped after watching The Karate Kid and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, I begged my parents to enroll me at the local dojo. So, along with punches, blocks, kicks, and kiai, our instructors taught us to sit quietly and “empty our cups,” a neat line of lotuses down the center of the mat.
As an introverted kid, I enjoyed sitting quietly. But it would be many years before I’d really understand the potential of meditation and start practicing in earnest.
It wasn’t until I was 17 that I started reading books about meditation and going to meet with teachers. Since then, meditation has helped me in many ways, from managing stress and reducing symptoms of anxiety and depression, to loosening up my sense of self and helping me become more authentic and creative in how I show up with people.
Today, my friends and clients often ask me the best way to start practicing meditation. The truth is, developing a meditation practice is deeply personal, and there’s no one best way for everyone. Having practiced for over 20 years now, though, I do have some thoughts on the matter.
Should You Use a Meditation App?
Let’s get the first big question out of the way: should you use an app? The answer is a resounding, “it depends.” People have learned to meditate without apps for thousands of years. But using apps does have some benefits, especially for beginners. Let’s take a look at the pros and cons.
Pros of using a meditation app:
Guided meditations can be helpful for beginners because they teach you how to meditate in real time.
Apps can track when you meditate and for how long, and remind you when you forget or slack off.
Apps can provide positive reinforcement when you meditate, helping you build the habit.
Cons of using a meditation app:
Guided meditations often leave too little empty space between prompts, filling the silence with a stream of words that can take your attention away from your own experience.
Apps can be limited in terms of the styles or techniques they teach, or in the length of the meditations offered.
Meditators who start with apps sometimes feel dependent on them, like they can’t imagine sitting without someone else guiding them.
If you do decide to use an app, the three that I most often recommend are:
Headspace. Probably the most popular meditation app, Headspace teaches basic mindfulness meditation. It has a solid intro sequence for beginners, starting with sits of just about three minutes and ramping up to ten. The founder, Andy Puddicombe, has a wonderful, soothing British accent, but Headspace also features female teachers and teachers of color.
Waking Up. Developed by Sam Harris (whose book Waking Up I have often recommended to friends), this app has a good intro sequence but also features courses from other teachers. This app is most suited to those who are intellectually curious and want to explore a wider variety of meditation styles and experiences.
Insight Timer. This started out as a simple timer app and is now subject to a significant level of feature bloat. I use it mainly because it plays nice bell tones at the beginnings and ends of my sits, and tracks the frequency and duration of my sessions. It’s also free and offers guided meditations from a wide variety of teachers, some of whom are great and others, decidedly questionable (in fact, many of these are actually doing hypnosis or guided imagery, not meditation).
Ultimately, I see meditation apps as a bit like training wheels for a bicycle. They can be helpful for beginners, but eventually you need to take them off in order to really learn how to ride.
How to Meditate Without an App
If you don’t want to use an app, or if you’ve started with an app but want to learn to sit on your own, you can do what I did by memorizing a simple set of meditation instructions and then using a timer for your sits. Here’s a template to get you started. These instructions are for a type of meditation called mindfulness of breathing.
Sit in a comfortable position, whether in a chair or on a cushion. Put your phone on silent and start your timer. Close your eyes, or rest them on the floor or a wall in front of you.
Start by taking a few deep breaths, then let your breath settle into a natural rhythm. In general, I recommend breathing through your nose.
Bring your attention to the physical sensations of your body, such as the feeling of your feet on the ground, your butt on the chair or cushion, or the temperature of the air on your skin.
Notice the physical sensation of breathing. This might be the air moving in and out of your nostrils, or the rise and fall of your chest or belly. Simply rest your attention on the physical sensation of the breath.
Any time you notice your mind wandering away from the breath, don’t beat yourself up about it. Just acknowledge it and bring your attention back to the breath. Repeat this as many times as necessary.
Dealing with Thoughts
Over and over again, people tell me, “I tried meditating, but I just couldn’t do it. My mind kept going and going with thoughts.” If this is your experience, please know that you didn’t fail at meditation. This is what it’s like for everyone, at first. And the point of meditation isn’t to completely clear your mind of thoughts, but to become aware of what’s happening in the moment.
For most of us, our minds are racing like this all the time. It’s only when we first sit down to meditate that we actually notice how speedy, crazy, and out of control our thoughts really are. If you’re becoming aware of your thoughts in this way, you’re actually doing it right.
The key is to notice thoughts without getting caught up in them. Think of thoughts like cars passing on the street. Try to notice them as they go by, without chasing after them.
Building a Meditation Habit
As with any habit, the best way to build a meditation practice is to start small, but be consistent. Research on habit formation consistently shows that starting with a tiny behavior is the best way to go.
Avoid the temptation of heroic efforts. Set the bar low and make this easy for yourself. I recommend meditating for no more than five minutes at first. You can even start with one or two minutes. When the bell rings at the end of your meditation, you should find yourself wanting more.
Every habit requires a cue, a craving, a behavior, and a reward. I recommend meditating at the same time, in the same place every day–that’s your cue. And yes, you should try to meditate every day. Daily habits are much easier to build than less frequent ones. If you miss a day, it’s no big deal, just try to get back on the cushion the very next day.
The craving arises naturally in response to the cue, especially if the behavior is enjoyable. Try to relax and enjoy your meditation as much as possible. That’s one of the secrets of success.
And when your timer goes off and you’re done with your meditation, thank yourself for taking the time to do something that is so beneficial for yourself and others. Feel grateful for the opportunity to practice. In this way, your practice itself becomes the reward. Although, to be honest, I’ve also found it helpful to have my coffee or tea right after meditating!
Once you’ve meditated for five minutes a day, every day for a week, you can increase your time, only if you want to. The humble practice you actually do is 100% better than the ideal practice you don’t do.
One last word of advice: as my childhood karate sensei used to say, “empty your cup.” As you go deeper into meditation, let go of what you think you know, and be open to experiencing life in a different way. You may be surprised at how things start to shift for you.
